IEWW! Too many days have passed without a blog but my life is very full this week! My dad is up for a visit from NYC and I've been teaching too. (IN addition to being mom, wife, crafter, artisan, business owner, marketer, snow removal expert, nurse, housekeeper, etc etc.). Teaching is going very well and I am really enthralled with the students; they are quite wonderful and funny. I especially like the change of pace; it is a great way to break up the routine a bit.
I removed snow from my mailbox today which was not unlike moving a small glacier. Nearly 4 hours of shoveling, ice picking, salting, sanding, shoveling then ice picking again. My hands are shaking, my back is aching, and it is time for a rest. Sometimes I don't know when to stop and my body tells me ALL about it. Now is one of those times.
But enough about THAT..... :)
I have recently made a HUGE decision. I MEAN HUGE.
I hesitate to write it for that makes it REAL but I will because I am sure one of you lovely "followers" will hold me to it.
I. AM. GOING. TO. BEGIN. WRITING. AGAIN.
My poor neglected novel sits in my thumb-drive unloved, unappreciated, and UN-WRITTEN. I have had many signs and symbols point to the OBVIOUS. They all speak one truth: WRITE IT OR YOU WILL ALWAYS WONDER....WHAT IF?
I do NOT want to end up back in wondering limbo..."what if i had just written that book? what if i had just tried harder to get past that fourth chapter? what if i just let go of my fears and just did it? whatifijustfinisheditforcryingoutloud? WHAT IF?" Nah. Not this kid. Nope. NO SIR.
Once upon a time I wondered many things such as: "WHAT IF I just climbed this trail? What if I DID make it to the top of that mountain? WHAT IF I climbed the Knife's Edge? What IF I finished school? What if I became a teacher? What IF I took this job in radio? What if I stayed at home with Veronica and started my own business? I could write much more but it might bore you to death.
My point is that eventually I did them all. I moved past and through my fears and just did it.
EXCEPT FOR ONE THING. FINISHING MY NOVEL. I have been what iffing this one for about 15 years now. I think it is time to say
WHAT IF I FINISHED THIS NOVEL?
SO here is a little glimpse (I am keeping this clean) as to what my brain does to that thought and perhaps a huge reason why I haven't done it yet. The CENSOR in my head tries to stop me all the time:
It goes something like this: "Oh my GOD?! What would happen then? What if no one likes it? What if I can't get published? What if it stinks REALLY BAD? What if NO ONE WILL EVER READ IT?! What if people think I am absolutely bonkers (which REALLY won't matter because NO ONE WILL READ IT, RIGHT?! You can't finish it! YOU can't write it! You tried to get a writing job (once) and that didn't work out so WHY BOTHER!" ON AND ON AND ON ad nausea. (I even wrote a short stream of consciousness piece called "The Censor" but it is REALLY inappropriate for a general audience or I would post it here.)
The only time that censor shuts up is when I give in, figure something else to do instead (distraction is my middle name), and stop with the novel "nonsense". I have become quite successful at this and am really prone to coming up with new "career" ideas on a whim. I completed college with the INTENT of becoming a writer. I think I have done everything but become one.
I am pretty sure the time is now to finish that book. For NO OTHER reason but to finish it because I haven't yet. I have to say, I am pretty bull headed and love to say I CAN when someone (in this case MYSELF) tells me I CAN'T.
SO here I go. This is me. Saying YES I CAN. Going to get that icy blue thumbdrive with the contents of this crazy novel and pick up on chapter four where I left off OVER A YEAR AGO. Me. GOING.....wish me luck. Thanks. ;)
--Hugs from the West Woods of Maine
PS:
NO I am NOT giving up Winter Solstice Dreams! I will STILL continue to create things for my shop and business! :) Wouldn't give that up for anything! I love it a lot. Just going to add this dream of my life to my daily routine. I am queen of multi-tasking. I may even just get a recorder and "write" while I sew. I do it in my head anyway; might as well put that thinking business to good use.
XOXOXO
--Kim